How will you help me with trying to conceive or with my fertility treatment?

First, a reminder that I’m not a doctor or medical professional and unfortunately, I do not have any control over whether this cycle leads to a pregnancy or whether your next transfer will be successful. As a former fertility clinic patient, I understand the complicated emotions that come with undergoing fertility treatment. There are incredible decisions to be made regarding which treatment to do and when, the hormones can have a tremendous impact on us both emotionally and physically, and there can be a lot of complicated and sometimes conflicting emotions that get triggered throughout the process that others don’t always understand. For example, hearing of a close friend’s surprise pregnancy while in the throes of my own treatment was one of most difficult experiences of my life. On the one hand, I wanted to be happy for her but I was flooded by anger, envy, and sadness for me, which then led to feelings of shame for feeling this way. Clients have shared that although their partner and families want to support them, they don’t always fully understand what it’s like to be the recipient of the injections or the hyper-focus on the body experienced during the two week wait. I also understand how all the acronyms used in the fertility world can feel completely overwhelming. Clients have also reported that they appreciate speaking with someone who understands all the jargon and how treatment works (and can sometimes even help them understand aspects of treatment if they are new to the fertility world) so they don’t need to spend time explaining the language or treatment processes to their therapist. In short, although I can’t get anyone pregnant, I can absolutely help you process and manage the challenging feelings that come from trying to conceive/undergoing fertility treatment.

Do you think that my unexplained infertility is due to my stress and anxiety and if I learned to relax in counselling I would get pregnant?

The “just relax” rhetoric that is so often spewed at people struggling to conceive is incredibly dangerous. It puts blame on the person or couple and often has the opposite effect in that telling people to relax makes most of us feel less relaxed! Research has shown that there is a link between stress and infertility but no researchers have proven that stress and anxiety directly cause infertility. In fact, many fertility doctors reiterate that being stressed or anxious during fertility treatment is incredibly common and will NOT impact the likelihood of a transfer sticking. Interestingly, the highest pregnancy rates are actually in developing nations and countries in crisis where the rates of anxiety and stress would arguably also be some of the highest. What there is no doubt about is that infertility increases stress levels, struggles with self-esteem, anxiety, and low mood. Therefore, counselling can be a great way to make trying to conceive and fertility treatment more manageable and also help clients feel less isolated. Relaxation and the ability to feel and process complicated emotions are very important skills for everyone but there is no causal relationship between relaxation and getting pregnant.

My friend and my doctor keep telling me that Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is the most effective therapy. Do you use it in your practice?

Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (or CBT) is an extremely effective form of treatment for specific challenges including phobias, certain types of anxiety and depression, and self-esteem concerns. It is also the therapy with the most research on effectiveness as it is often done shorter-term than others. CBT is used to help clients understand how their thinking impacts their behaviours and aims to identify clients’ unhelpful thinking patterns and rework them. People struggling with fertility often have challenging intrusive thoughts such as “what if I never have the baby I’ve been dreaming of?” or “I feel like my body is failing me for not getting pregnant after all these years” or “what did I do to deserve all this bad luck while trying to get pregnant?” These thoughts demonstrate the complex emotions that infertility triggers. I incorporate aspects of CBT in my practice by teaching clients to pay attention to their inner monologue and identify thoughts that may be inflicting more pain. I also believe that normalizing these thoughts and connecting with the feelings underlying them is essential for healing. Providing clients with a safe space to say these challenging thoughts out loud (even if we feel ashamed of them) and allowing them to experience the emotions that go with the thoughts (letting the tears out or even yelling if we need to) often allows us to move through these thoughts and emotions more easily.

Is counselling covered by my insurance?

Many extended medical plans provide some coverage for Registered Clinical Counselling. As every plan is different, it’s important to check with your policy to see whether Registered Counselling is covered, how much the deductible is, and what is the maximum annual coverage. I provide an electronic receipt with my professional registration number upon receipt of payment, which you can use to submit to your insurance company. I also recommend keeping all of your receipts from counselling as it is a tax deductible medical expense.

Do you offer any sliding scale counselling?

Although I do not offer sliding scale individual sessions, I do facilitate virtual support groups once a month that participants have found immensely helpful. They are significantly lower cost than booking an individual session and have helped many people feel less isolated during their fertility journeys and postpartum. The cost is $50 for a 1.5 hour group session. Please contact me for more details about these group sessions or click the following link to register. Fertility Support Group Booking Link. The next Fertility Support group will take place on Wednesday September 20th at 4pm virtually on the Jane app.